Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
