Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
