We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
two words...techno handjob
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
