so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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