I hope mine doesn't look like that
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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