You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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