I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
