Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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