Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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