he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
