I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize