i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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