we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
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He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
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I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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