i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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