today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
