Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
