My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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