if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
bring money and cleavage
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
