come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
