YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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