Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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