hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
