what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
