:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize