one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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