are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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