We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
