You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
