I wannas sexs uuuuu
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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