i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
