I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
