I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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