The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just burned my penis
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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