I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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