we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Randomize
