it wasn't lemon gatorade
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
3 2 1 whiskey
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize