the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
