You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
