We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
