At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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