we're chasing vodka with high fives
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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