Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Operation Purity has been aborted
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize