dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
