i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
