Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
