I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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