You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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