I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
