idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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