yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
