We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
