Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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