So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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