I need to stop coming to work sober
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
