If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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