And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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