I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
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You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
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Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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