soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
