What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
