around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
