evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I puked a lego.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
