3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just high enough for therapy.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
