I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
