why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Panties = found
Randomize
