Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
