I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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